Deconstructing and Questioning

Deconstruction has become a hot topic recently. Many public figures within religious circles have come forward with accounts of soul-searching and examining what they believe. Some have made such drastic changes that it’s made national headlines. However, what we refer to as deconstruction can occur for many other things.

This is a resource offered to those who are examining, questioning, and challenging their religious and spiritual beliefs, but also, relationships, political views, careers, and general life purpose and meaning.

What is Deconstruction?

When any fundamental belief or value is closely examined and scrutinized, that can be considered “deconstruction.” Deconstruction can be best explained as a process and no one’s path is the same.

Many people go a long time living with internal discrepancies, believing deep down that something is off but refusing to accept their misgivings and doubts. Others may be confronted by something external that causes their questioning process, such as new information or another person’s actions.

Whatever the cause, many people find themselves in uncharted territory, questioning the very things that were the foundation of their identity and place in the world - even life itself.

This can be a very disorienting and stressful experience.

Because of that, I wanted to offer some advice and recommendations I’ve learned from personal experience and from working as a therapist with clients going through a deconstruction process.

Your Path Is Your Own

First off, your path is your own. No other person can tell you what to believe or how those beliefs impact your decisions. Your life, beliefs, and decisions are your own. You are free to examine, question, change your mind, and learn from others who are different than you. You are also allowed to keep some, all, or none of your previous beliefs.

This level of freedom may feel controversial to people accustomed to hierarchical and power-over systems, groups, and relationships. When control and coercion are the go-to tools of engagement, this isn’t a sign that things are operating in a healthy way. Usually, a need to control and have power over someone else comes from a place of vulnerability, usually immaturity, fear, and insecurity.

Watch out for when others show fear, disgust, or other negative emotions towards you in an attempt to dissuade you from exploring and questioning. Don’t let their vulnerabilities be a barrier to your growth.

Be Curious

Being curious about other people and the world is an incredible asset. Curiosity can be a powerful protective factor and help buffer against the impact of stress, trauma, and other negative experiences.

Take the initiative to learn about other religions, cultures, political theories, history, and science that you may have been prohibited from exploring. Learning more about the world outside your bubble is imperative and can be healing in and of itself.

Find Community

This is probably the most difficult thing I’m recommending, but also the most important. It may take some time, trial and error, and persistence to finally find a community that is safe, affirming, and healthy.

We all need a community that accepts us, holds us accountable, and challenges us to keep growing and learning.

Seeking out and creating community is a lifelong endeavor. People move geographically, change, and grow. This is normal. Some connections last, some don’t, and that is okay.

Do not expect yourself to go through this alone.

Community really is everything.

Final Thoughts

People don’t make major changes to their deeply held beliefs for no reason. Many people wrestle and struggle with their inner intuition and thoughts for years before finally letting their inner truth surface. It takes an immense amount of bravery to step into the unknown and let go of certainty and safety.

Questioning one’s beliefs and actions is affirmatively a good thing. You are not bad or wrong for questioning, exploring, challenging, and changing. These things are a sign of personal strength.

It can feel scary and overwhelming to start and be on this journey. Sometimes, things do get worse before they get better. There is also no cure for being human. Finding your true self doesn’t mean life won’t be hard. However, living from a place of honesty with yourself and others is what opens people up to new and exciting possibilities.

Honesty is crucial to having the ability to grow, heal, and change.

No one can say for sure where this process will take you, but that’s not the point. “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” You have to have trust in yourself and the process. If you do that, you can find the path that will take you to the places you need to be.

If you are looking for a therapist experienced in supporting clients going through the process of deconstruction, please reach out.